Life bonk?

I’ve been feeling very tired recently. I’ve been feeling this way for a while if I’m honest but it’s been particularly brought to light over the period of the last few weeks or so; around the time I started pinning on numbers for the start of the UK racing season. My performances in the three road races that I have done have been the worst I have ever had in my racing career and it’s really getting me down.

But then as Epicteus, the Greek Stoic Philosopher once said, “it’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”.

I’ve been trying to think logically about what’s happened to my legs, whether I did actually leave them behind in Oman as I have begun to fear, or whether I’m just going through a rough patch. There’s a number of potential factors that I think could be contributing to my feeling of fatigue, and they include: completing an ultra-distance cycling race at the beginning of March, over-training, under-fuelling (the condition of RED-S or Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport is also something that I've been doing a fair amount of research on recently) and stress at work.

I studied Veterinary Science at University but began to fall out of love with it, I’d say about half way through the course. I don’t know why, potentially because my expectations of the course and the job itself were pretty different to what I have found the reality to be. I love animals and as a child grew up obsessed with natural history and wildlife, but being a vet never allows you to see happy, healthy animals exhibiting their natural behaviours. What you actually see most of the time is stressed, often sick animals who do not want to be in the veterinary clinic!

The pressure from owners is also something that I find difficult; everyone is different and I have met clients who are lovely and understand that as a vet you are always trying your best, but that there are limitations and financial constraints to everything that you do. Other clients however do not seem to get this; they ask the world and so are unfailingly disappointed when you cannot provide it. As someone that studied veterinary science because I have a keen interest in animal health and welfare, I really struggle personally when I can't help.

Anyway, back to how this relates to riding. I took a break from veterinary as soon as I graduated. I took a year and a half out during which time I worked at a bike shop and had the luxury of being able to train and have time to look after myself around this. I then returned to veterinary in December of 2017. At first I worked in a practice 5 minutes away from where I live, and my working week generally consisted of 8 hour shifts 4-5 times a week with an hour lunch break. Since then, the amount that I am working has gone up and my levels of responsibility have also increased dramatically. In addition, I have been stationed at a practice which is run by the same company, but is a 45 minute trip by car. I now work 8am to 7pm 5 days a week and am lucky if I get a lunch break in that time. Because I am stubborn and desperate not to let my riding time take a hit, I commute by bike to work and back which means waking up at 5am and not getting home until 9pm (if I finish on time).

5am commutes do have some perks!

I have always considered myself to be quite good at distinguishing between mental and physical tiredness. As a student we would have lectures from 9am-5pm, and although I would feel tired by the end of the day, I knew that having sat on a chair in a lecture theatre all day, this was unlikely to be a physical thing. Nowadays I don’t think I can tell the difference. I just feel tired most of the time.

Being a veterinary surgeon is a highly pressurised job I would say. I’d never really considered how stress at work could affect my weekend’s racing, but then I’ve never had a job where I’ve felt so stressed before. Looking at it from a physiological perspective, it makes perfect sense though. Under times of stress, your body releases cortisol (amongst other chemicals/hormones). This is a natural process that prepares it for potential danger, or for exercise. Generally cortisol has beneficial effects related to these functions, including mobilising energy stores and increasing blood pressure. But, as is often the case, too much of a good thing isn’t always a good thing.
Some of the many and varied effects of cortisol. High cortisol levels tends to make dogs go a bit pot-bellied and bald.

I'm not suggesting that high cortisol levels explain how I'm feeling entirely, but I've been doing some reading and found some interesting articles on the topic. There’s a good summary of the effects of cortisol on the body here: https://www.ilovebicycling.com/cortisol-and-cycling-the-stress-hormone/, and another which goes into more detail as to how it affects cycling performance here: https://www.cyclist.co.uk/in-depth/4327/cycling-science-is-stress-ruining-your-performance.

Training is also a stress, as is waking up at 5am. But then life is generally a stress, and how we manage that stress is up to us. I read an interesting article recently that said that stressors in our lives can generally be divided up into 4 key areas: training, diet, work/home life and social life. Up until the past year or so I’d say I’ve been pretty good at keeping the stressors in my life at a level I can work with but unfortunately I seem to have lost the art recently.

This week, I had a look at my training over the last few seasons and overall the time/distance/general amount I am riding has not changed that much. I am aware that the intensity needs to be taken in to account but I have been racing less over the last month or so. Evidently something is going wrong somewhere.

Riding a bike means an awful lot more to me than just riding a bike. If I think logically about this it seems very silly, but then I’ve spoken to a number of people over the years who have shown me that I am not alone in this. Riding is my exercise, my social life, my hobby, my main mode of transport (RIP Renault) and is very much tied up in my self esteem and how I view myself. It's what I do when I'm feeling happy, when I'm feeling sad or when I need to clear my head after a hard day at work. I find it difficult to cut back on training for this reason but then doing so badly in races has hit me hard recently too. I'm not sure what I need to do to turn things around and get my performance back on track.

I’m hoping this feeling tired is a passing thing. I’ve been lucky enough to have had a week off work to allow me to do some things for myself and assess and look at where I can make some positive changes. I’m going to put it out there, I am not the best at practising what I preach, but I have attended a couple of pilates classes this week, started stretching more, am in the process of getting hold of a power meter and have made contact with a coach. I have also been making a lot of cakes because a) baking is therapeutic and b) cakes stop you from bonking. I've also had some blood tests done and am awaiting the results; just hoping I haven't got the dreaded glandular fever 🤞.

Cakes stop you from bonking ✔️

We all get tired sometimes, but then I think we are also masters of our own destiny. There are things that we can do to change our lives for the better, particularly if those changes concern something that is important to us. 

SO, if anyone knows how to achieve the perfect balance between training, work and life then please do comment below. I am all ears👂👂.

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